Ok so it was to be expected, or dreaded. We did have some teensy teething problems, when The Laundry hit super technology and started our e-commerce site.
Should be all whizzy and carefree this week, but it got me thinking about some tooth nasties.
So I’ve wapped teething problems into the search engine and guess what comes up? BBC america (I didn’t know this existed) have made a documentary called “The Worst Teeth in Britain”, the traiters, we all know that the yanks think we have a mouth full of ugly nashers, we don’t need our national treasure confirming the suspicion and I’m not talking about Hugh Grant.
They say “There is an epidemic of poor teeth in Britain. 1 in 5 people never visit the dentist. 1 in 10 is terrified of the dentist chair. Sugar consumption, eating disorders, and bad diet make Britain’s global reputation for being a nation of terrible teeth completely justified”.
Pah, other shows include “Too Ugly to Love” and “My Secret Female Body”, shame on you BBC.
I had a brace for five long years, my incisors had to travel a whole centimetre when they decided to yank four of the out, that’s the equivalent of the moon and back in teeth terms, scientifically speaking. Shame I ruined a good start with excessive coffee and red wine consumption.
Time for the confessional, the worst teeth experience I’ve ever had was when kissing this guy, we sort of slipped and bashed mouths and his false tooth and plate fell into my mouth! shiver. Well he was an anarchist.
Teething problem, stories please…
Subscribe to our blog
3 Responses to “Teething problems”
Posted: Oct 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I’d like to think it a coincidence that the Teething Problems blog post is the only one completely out of line with the rest on the main blog page :o)
Posted: Nov 21st, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Argh teething problems. When I was 14 I used to play cricket at the local club. One balmy summer evening we decided to play football after training (”nets” for crickety folk), and I volunteered to go in goal. Rather than jumpers for goalposts (isn’t it? marvellous. It would have been), we dragged over some empty beer barrels from outside the clubhouse… can you see where this is going?
I remember it so clearly… Peter Edge was through on goal, he dropped a shoulder and shaped to shoot. I dived (the wrong way), he scored, and I ended up headlong into beer barrel post… seemingly attempting to take a bite out of the clanging lager vessel.
Ouch. Two front teeth shattered. Bare nerves, hanging down, remained. Trip to dentist next day, multiple stabbings with a needle couldn’t numb the sensation… bring on the cold metal of the tweezers to grasp and yank out the nerves. The M&S of the NHS… this isn’t just pain, this is the white noise of pain.
So they drilled and capped and crowned and filled and cemented. The teeth would fall out periodically for the next 15 years, until one of them would not stick no more. The remaining root had shattered you see, and I was a contender for the youngest user of Polygrip. One final option… an implant for my gappy grin. So they drilled deeper and further and longer than ever before into my skull and my bank account. A bill of £2500 followed, oh vanity!
The results are great. The tooth finally ain’t for shifting.
I’ve never played in goal since, and I can’t see a beer barrel without shuddering. I was never as good mates with Peter Edge as before. I could say he set my teeth on Edge, but that would be tenuous.
Posted: Nov 21st, 2008 at 3:30 pm
OH MY GOD! That is sooo painful just to read about it! Eeeek, it makes me feel as if nails are being dragged down a blackboard or as if I’ve got cotton wool between my teeth. Matt, you poor fella. You should take up safer sports where compulsory head-gear is provided. Like F1 racing…